South Park, ain’t it great? With other cartoon comedies such as Family Guy becoming the butt of more and more jokes, and the iconic Simpsons gradually dipping in quality, it’s great to see this crudely drawn show still as relevant as ever after 17 years.
Though despite the show’s legacy, that has earned it a number of fancy awards over the years, there’s never been a really good South Park game; something which is set to change when the long anticipated Obsidian-developed, Ubisoft-published South Park: The Stick of Truth hits Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and PC next week.
So in a bid to make you super-duper mentally prepared, buddy, here are five things we recommend you do before picking up what’ll be arguably 2014’s best licensed video game.
Buy yourself some cheesy poofs or some other delicious snack
Did you know you can actually buy cheesy poofs on the internet? Though to be honest, I would probably just stick with your local garden variety Smiths’, Doritos, etc. No matter what snacks you end up getting, your Stick of Truth experience is going to be made all the better. After all, playing games with snacks is scientifically* proven to make your gaming session way more enjoyable.
*based on actual research conducted by the Allied Atheist Alliance, which is not to confused with the Unified Atheist Alliance.
If you own a cat, buy it some catnip
Pets, especially cats, can sometimes get in the way when you’re deep in a gaming session, and come March 6 you won’t want anything getting in the way of you enjoying the heck outta The Stick of Truth. So remove any chance of your furry friend(s) getting in the way by buying a big bag of catnip, and let the feline throw its own crazy sex-fueled cat orgy.
Check your house for hippies
If it’s not the corporations trying to turn us all into little Eichmanns, it’s the hippies forming drum circles in our backyards; so make sure you check your entire house for these free-loving drifters. Remember to check up in your roof, inside your walls, and if you have one, your basement. If you get one hippie, expect to see hordes of them swarming around your house.
If that happens, the only way to drive them away will be to use a Slayer CD, so better have one handy just in case.
Book annual leave so “they” don’t take your job
We’ve all been there before, calling into work sick just so we can continue playing the hottest new release video game; a lot people did it with Grand Theft Auto V last year, and I feel a fair number of fans will do it when The Stick of Truth hits stores next week.
So, instead of taking a sickie and turning up to work the next day, only to find they ‘took eerr jerb’ (durka durrrr), be sure to put in that annual leave form as soon as possible, friend.
Play some video games
What better way to pass time when you’re waiting for a video game to come out, then playing other video games? Why not log in and make a World of Warcraft account, or break out the old plastic peripherals and have a few rounds of Guitar Hero? Heck, if you want something a little different, why don’t you search through the cupboards for your Okama Gamesphere?
Bonus round: Watch some South Park!
For super cereal, you guys, why not just spend the next couple of days watching your favourite South Park episodes? I’ll be doing the same, probably, over the weekend, watching classics like The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka, Clubhouses, Cartman Joins NAMBLA, Scott Tenorman Must Die and Die, Hippie, Die; among loads of others.
How super psyched are you to play South Park: The Stick of Truth, you guys?